Hi everyone! I’ve been walking around with these thoughts in my head for a week now, and I figured I would write them down. Maybe sharing with you all would make me feel… better? Anyway. As you can see, this is another of my personal posts. If you aren’t interested in me or my life, feel free to skip this one -as it has no bookish mentions in it.
So, what is today’s post about? As you maybe deducted from the title, I haven’t been feeling the best lately. And I don’t mean physically -although I do have a cold. I mean mentally. I’ve been anxious and sad and it has taken me a while to realize why. Maybe I haven’t even fully understood why, but this is as far as I have come.
I feel like I have lost a sense of belonging. While I didn’t like high school at all, I have loved the three years I’ve spent at my university. I felt like I finally found a place I belonged. Even though not every course was extremely interesting, I knew that I was in the right place. Which is a great feeling, you know? That you’re doing something you really want to do. During the summer, I did a work experience at Pan Macmillan in London and that feeling intensified. I really felt good there! I loved getting to know the work and people, I loved the city and it was an incredible experience.
Fast-forward to the end of September and the start of the new academic year at my university. It’s been two weeks now -almost- and I still haven’t recovered my sense of belonging. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely reasons I’m glad we’ve started again. I love the group of girlfriends I’ve made in the past 3 years and I’m so glad to see them all back. But yet, I don’t feel like I’m in the right place anymore. I’m excited to do my thesis and finish my studies but for some reason, I’m no longer excited about the school year.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ll obviously be finishing the year -because I want to, because it’s been paid and because I want to see my friends. But I need to get back that feeling! I need to feel like I’m doing the right thing for me again. Because right now, I’m not feeling it.
Pair this with a general anxiety about finding a job I want next year and you can safely say that I’m not doing so great at the moment. I find this topic so difficult to talk about with people. I don’t know why I’m more comfortable writing about it here than telling my parents or my best friends. Maybe it’s because it’s such a hard-to-explain feeling? I have no clue.
So yeah, that’s how I’ve been feeling lately. I sincerely hope this “funk” goes away soon and that I can enjoy my final year again!