Personal Post #5: A Bit of a Downer

Hi everyone! I’ve been walking around with these thoughts in my head for a week now, and I figured I would write them down. Maybe sharing with you all would make me feel… better? Anyway. As you can see, this is another of my personal posts. If you aren’t interested in me or my life, feel free to skip this one -as it has no bookish mentions in it.

So, what is today’s post about? As you maybe deducted from the title, I haven’t been feeling the best lately. And I don’t mean physically -although I do have a cold. I mean mentally. I’ve been anxious and sad and it has taken me a while to realize why. Maybe I haven’t even fully understood why, but this is as far as I have come. 

I feel like I have lost a sense of belonging. While I didn’t like high school at all, I have loved the three years I’ve spent at my university. I felt like I finally found a place I belonged. Even though not every course was extremely interesting, I knew that I was in the right place. Which is a great feeling, you know? That you’re doing something you really want to do. During the summer, I did a work experience at Pan Macmillan in London and that feeling intensified. I really felt good there! I loved getting to know the work and people, I loved the city and it was an incredible experience.

Fast-forward to the end of September and the start of the new academic year at my university. It’s been two weeks now -almost- and I still haven’t recovered my sense of belonging. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely reasons I’m glad we’ve started again. I love the group of girlfriends I’ve made in the past 3 years and I’m so glad to see them all back. But yet, I don’t feel like I’m in the right place anymore. I’m excited to do my thesis and finish my studies but for some reason, I’m no longer excited about the school year. 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ll obviously be finishing the year -because I want to, because it’s been paid and because I want to see my friends. But I need to get back that feeling! I need to feel like I’m doing the right thing for me again. Because right now, I’m not feeling it. 

Pair this with a general anxiety about finding a job I want next year and you can safely say that I’m not doing so great at the moment. I find this topic so difficult to talk about with people. I don’t know why I’m more comfortable writing about it here than telling my parents or my best friends. Maybe it’s because it’s such a hard-to-explain feeling? I have no clue. 

So yeah, that’s how I’ve been feeling lately. I sincerely hope this “funk” goes away soon and that I can enjoy my final year again! 


Have you ever experienced anything like this? Do you have any advice? I’d really like to hear about it!
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13 thoughts on “Personal Post #5: A Bit of a Downer

  1. I felt exactly the same in my fourth year of University. I was tired of studying, but I was so undecisive as what to do after studying. All my friends were continuing onto Masters, but I just didn’t have the strength to go on. But, I was scared and anxious to go out into the real world and get a job. Try not to let it drag you down, push through it, take it all one day at a time, it will get better I am sure of that!

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    • Thank you so much! I’m actually looking forward to getting a job, but it’s the actual getting of a job I’m scared of. What if I can’t find one I want? Anyway, guess I’ll find out next year…

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  2. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you might be ready for something new. You just got to hang in there. We all go through periods of being in a funk, but it sounds like there are amazing things in your future and while it can be scary, you’re not alone and everyone here in the blogosphere is happy to give you support when needed.

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  3. I think this sense of being lost is common once you get to the end of your studies and the rest of your life suddenly becomes a thing of NEAR future. I remember feeling fed up with everything my last year at uni – I was so excited to graduate but in the end it wasn’t really a big deal.
    And I can relate – I often find it easier to write things down for my blog than to talk about it with my friends and family. Part of it is the writing itself, it makes you order your thoughts (at least a bit) so you can put down coherent sentences, which I’ve always found really satisfying, and partly (at least for me) it’s the anonymity of the blog and my readers who won’t judge.
    I hope you’ll feel better soon – and that you’ll get excited by the future, I’m sure it has great things in store for you. 🙂

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    • I agree with Kaja. My finale year at uni gave me also a sebse of “this should never end” but also “I cannot wait to get out there”. But to make you deel better : you’re friends are probably feeling the same way. Ask them, they are most likely more than willing to discus this.

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  4. Aw, Jolien! This feeling will pass, I promise! ❤ Just remember it's your last year of university and to make the most of it. I get bad anxiety and I've learned to just take it one day at a time, focus on each day and don't worry about the future, because worrying doesn't help very much, does it? 🙂 Everything will be okay in the end, I PROMISE.

    If you're struggling with motivation for your studies (this is really stupid, I suppose, but it helps me!), I recommend going on Pinterest or Tumblr and typing in study motivation posts or "studyblr", it's so positive and encouraging and actually makes you excited to do schoolwork.

    If you need to talk, you can always reach me on Twitter! 🙂 xx

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  5. It sounds like you are just ready to graduate and get a job! I don’t think that means there is anything wrong with the feelings your having. I certainly remember feeling done with college, and wanting to just have an “adult” life already. I hope you feel better, but don’t worry too much about feeling how you did before, but turn that into drive to finish out strong and set yourself up for the position you want once you leave!

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